I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
