Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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