she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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