Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
