I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
