I just pynch a tree in the face
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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