K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
