i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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