chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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