Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
