I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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