I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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