Already got asked if we're dating
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
