He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
