I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize