My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
