I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
