I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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