Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he puts the penis in happiness.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
