i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
