i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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