i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
