wrigley field is MILF paradise
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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