is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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