And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
