literally had 100 drinks last night.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
