YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
