Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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