I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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