escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
