Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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