We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My vagina just clenched in fear
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