Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
