Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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