we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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