My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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