My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
