my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize