I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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