Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
