Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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