TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
