You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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