My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
