I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
