I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
