I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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