My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
