It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
