I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
