I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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