Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
