it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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