I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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