WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
