does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I stole a fireplace last night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
