hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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