it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize