ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
