I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
