Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
