And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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