Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize