Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
