What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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