i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
