you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Congratulations! We have a period
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