dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
