I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
